#79 National Ex-Spouse Day Learn to Forgive Them & Move On

Greetings Lifers,

I just learned that today is National Ex-Spouse Day. Breaking up is truly one of life's hardest things to do, especially when you're head over heels for the person, or you've dedicated so much time and energy into the relationship then it abruptly or slowly decays and ends. If you've never had a heart-wrenching breakup then thank the good Lord above.

Did you know that the National Today Data Science Team surveyed 230 previously married Americans about their exes and found that:

• 17% say their ex got on their nerves!
• 9% said they split the household chores with their ex-spouse.
• 6% say they wear the pants in the relationship.
• 16% of divorced men, the most popular annoying trait about their ex-wives was being a "control freak" (any control freaks out there? I think I'm one of them).
• 17% of women said their most popular was their ex-husband's "selective listening".

Let's not just look at the breakup as a bad thing. Let's instead, look at what some of the good things that might've come out of it.

I did this exercise a few times and it really makes me happier. I've always believed that we meet people for a certain reason. They may only be in our lives for a short period of time, or, possibly a much lengthier one.

Think about some of the amazing times you spent together, or, maybe they taught you how to do or live some way you never did before. If you look at the positives of what you actually got out of the time together, it will be easier to put the hurt behind and heal.

If you're newly divorced, I'm sorry for your loss. But one thing I've learned is that we can lick our wounds only for so long. We must get up off our laurels, take a shower, get dressed, put on some nice clothes, a bit of perfume, do our hair (or get a new hairstyle and color), and some makeup, and get back in the game.

One of the best things you can do for yourself right now is do something loving for yourself. Give yourself or treat yourself to a mani-pedi, a much-needed massage, facial, or take yourself out to a nice restaurant for a bite to eat. But, doing something good for yourself is the first step to healing.

Another great way to heal from past hurts is to spend more time with family and friends that feed your well. That breaths life into your life. Don't hang around those who will deplete your energy. Now is the time to protect yourself from them.

Call friends with whom you can spend hours laughing together, you know the kind, those deep belly laughs where you can't catch your breath and your face starts to hurt from laughing so much. This is the best medicine of all that you can find on this earth (and it won't cost a penny).

Clearing out clutter can also be a refreshing way to begin anew. Out with the old, in with the new. Do a mini closet clearing. Take out all of the clothes that no longer serve your life as it is today. Remove all clothes that no longer fit, have any altered that you love and still want to have. And, if the budget allows, pick up a couple of new items to mix in the old ones and give it a bit of a refresher. Donate or give away any of the older items you no longer want.

One of the most fun parts of a breakup is that now you get to think about yourself. Take the time to do new things, explore. Try adding one new thing to your day. A new route to work, a new color of lipstick (one of my favorite lipstick brands is Bobby Brown, or try a new style - a bohemian peasant blouse?

It's important to have new goals and things to do. Get your mind on something fun. Think of 5 things you've always wanted to do but haven't done thus far. Then take the time and do one at a time and check them off. Make it a game, keep adding new ones each time you finish the last set. Keep your life fresh and you'll be much happier in the long run. If you want a quick fix, try the tips in my book: 151 Musically Inspired Secrets to Master This Thing Called Life be sure to check our parts 6 and 7 for more beauty and fashion tips.

Well, here's to the fun memories of those of our exes and here's to the amazing future you have in front of you.

Cheers,

Dawn-Marie Mutell

XO